62 WOMEN & THE LAW [Joint Issue:59
intentional discrimination, implicit biases, or whether I am just paranoid, or
whether all three are in play. No one will admit even to having implicit
biases. Would you?
Here is how I try to help. I try to be a role model for women. I lead my
practice group at my law firm, Williams & Connolly, with not one, but two
other women. I encourage women to project strength and confidence, and I
give young women the following advice: Stop looking for your passion. Sex
and horseback riding are passions; work should not be. I do not want a
passionate surgeon or a passionate airplane pilot. I want someone who is
excellent and can produce good results. The same is true of a lawyer. I want
someone who can answer my questions, win my case, or get me out of a jam.
I also tell women to be themselves. Just do what you are good at;
chances are, you will generally enjoy doing something you are good at.
Telling women to follow their passion also sets way too high of a bar for
them, and it is a recipe for defeat and disappointment. Work is stressful and
exhausting. I see women leave the workforce or quit their jobs because they
weren’t successful, not because they lacked passion. You are better off going
to work at a place that wants and needs you for a skill you have. You will
have more control over your work and schedule. It is much easier to set
boundaries when your colleagues need you more than you need them. It may
have taken me a while, but I have no problem telling my colleagues to leave
me alone because my kids are more important to me than reviewing their
briefs, and not to schedule work meetings before 10:00, after 5:00, or on the
weekends.
So learn your strengths and know your weaknesses. I accepted early on
that I would be a terrible trial lawyer, even though I dreamt of being the next
Brendan Sullivan. I do not live only for my work. I love doing something I
am good at that helps other people, and the pay is a real plus. And while I
hate to lose, winning is not what gives my life meaning. It does not even fill
me with joy. In fact, I usually am still mad that the client was sued in the first
place or had to sue to obtain relief. I save my passion for my home and my
hobbies, like coaching high school debate and shopping.
I like to tell law students that picking a job is a lot like picking a spouse:
it’s hard to know what you are getting into until it’s too late to get out. For
instance, when I was looking for a husband, humor, brains, and love of
children was all that mattered to me. I never thought to ask about parenting
philosophy, religion, finances, and who would control the thermostat or TV
remote. In terms of a profession, it also is virtually impossible to know
exactly what you want out of a job, or whether you will get it even assuming
you know what you want. When starting out, I cared about salary and
whether working at a firm would keep doors open for me in case I hated my
job. It never occurred to me to think about some basic questions, such as: