ACTIVE LISTENING AND
DE-ESCALATION
NOT A TYPICAL
CONVERSATION!
BY: CATHY CYWINSKI, MSW LCSW
ACTIVE LISTENING
• Active listening is all about building rapport, understanding, and trust
• Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person in such a way that
the person feels that they have really been heard. It takes the conversation one step
further into the feelings of the speaker.
COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS
•These roadblocks to
communication can stop
communication dead in its tracks:
COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS
• “Why” questions--They tend to make people defensive.
• Quick reassurance-- saying things like, “Don’t worry about that.”
• Advising — “I think the best thing for you is to move to assisted
living.”
• Digging for information-- and forcing someone to talk about something
they would rather not talk about.
COMMUNICATION BLOCKERS
• Patronizing — “You poor thing, I know just how you feel.”
• Preaching — “You should. . .” Or, “You shouldn’t. . .” these come
across as judgmental or value-laden
• Interrupting — Shows you aren’t interested in what someone is
saying.
• Feeding into the Delusion-- Promotes focus away from real
information and perpetuates person’s difficulty in focusing on
the conversation with you.
ACTIVE LISTENING
1. LEADING
• For example, “Would you like to talk about it?” “What
happened then?” Could you tell me more?”
ACTIVE LISTENING
2. OPEN-ENDED
• Use open-ended questions to expand the discussion — for
example, lead with: “How? What? Where? Who? Which?”
ACTIVE LISTENING
3. CLOSED-ENDED
• Use closed ended questions to prompt for specifics — for
example, lead with: “Is? Are? Do? Did? Can? Could?
Would?”
ACTIVE LISTENING
4. Minimal encouragers
• Use brief, positive prompts to keep the conversation going
and show you are listening — for example, “umm-hmmm,”
“Oh?” “I understand,” “Then?” “And?”
ACTIVE LISTENING
5. Reflecting
• Instead of just repeating, reflect the speaker’s words in
terms of feelings
ACTIVE LISTENING
6. Validation
• Acknowledge the individual’s problems, issues, and feelings.
Listen openly and with empathy, and respond in an
interested way.
ACTIVE LISTENING
7. Effective pause
• Deliberately pause at key points for emphasis. This will tell
the person you are saying something that is very important
to them.
ACTIVE LISTENING
8. Silence
• Allow for comfortable silences to slow down the exchange.
Give a person time to think as well as talk. Silence can also
be very helpful in diffusing an unproductive interaction.
ACTIVE LISTENING
9. Consequences
• Part of the feedback may involve talking about the possible
consequences of inaction.
ACTIVE LISTENING
• Example:
• Speaker: “Yesterday, I just sat around the house. I had
errands to run, but I couldn’t seem to make myself get up
and do them.”
• Listener using Simple Reflection: “It sounds like you
had a lot of trouble getting up and going.”
ACTIVE LISTENING
• Example:
• Speaker: “I’m so scared and I don’t know what I’m going
to do next. My house is gone…everything is gone”
• Listener using Reflection of Feelings: “You seem
afraid and uncertain.”
• Speaker: “Yes! I’m just so frightened and I don’t know
what’s going to happen next.”
DE-ESCALATION
DE-ESCALATION
• One study at UCLA indicated that up to 93 percent of communication
effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated that
the impact of a performance was determined 7 percent by the words used,
38 percent by voice quality, and 55 percent by the nonverbal
communication.
DE-ESCALATION
• Non-verbal communication
• Head nodding
• Avoid impersonal or "cold" stares
• Focus on the speaker, not on the paperwork
• Appropriate facial expressions (e.g. smiling, expressions of
warmth and acceptance, etc.)
DE-ESCALATION
• Smile
• Interested facial expression
• Open/welcoming gestures
• Allow the person you are talking with to dictate the
spatial distance between you (This can vary according to
cultural or personal differences)
• Close proximity with the L-shaped stance
DE-ESCALATION
• Para-verbal Communication
• Refers to :
• Voice Tone (Soft tone)
• Volume
• Rate of speech
Para-verbal communication is how we say something, not what we say
ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION
1. Establish a Relationship
• Introduce yourself if they do not know you. Ask the person
what they would like to be called .
• Don't shorten their name or use their first name without their
permission.
• With some cultures, it is important to always address them as "Mr."
or "Mrs.", especially if they are older than you.
ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION
2. Use concrete questions to help the person focus
• Use closed-ended questions
• If the person is not too agitated, briefly explain why you are asking the
question
• For example: I'd like to get some basic information from you so that I can
help you better. Where do you live?
ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION
3. Come to an agreement on something
• Establishing a point of agreement will help solidify your relationship
and help gain their trust
• Positive language has more influence than negative language
• Active listening will assist you in finding a point of agreement
ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION
IF YOU AGREE TO SOMETHING YOU MUST FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT
IT IS IMPORTANT NOT ONLY FOR THE CURRENT ENCOUNTER BUT FUTURE
ENCOUNTERS. PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER IF THEY CAN TRUST YOU!
ELEMENTS OF DE-ESCALATION
4. Speak to the person with respect
• This is demonstrated with all aspects of communication (words, paraverbal,
nonverbal)
• Don't make global statements about the person's character
• Lavish praise is not believable
• Respect includes the use of words like PLEASE and THANK YOU; these simple words can
go a long way to demonstrate respect and de-escalate a situation.
• Comments?
• Questions?
