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Boston&University&
Office&of&the&Ombuds&
www.bu.edu/ombuds&
[email protected]&
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Active&Listening&
Active!Listening!means!being!deeply!engaged!in!and!attentive!to!what!the!speaker!is!saying.!!It!requires!
far!more!listening!than!talking.!!Your!goal!as!an!active!listener!is!to!truly!understand!the!speaker’s!
perspective!(regardless!of!whether!you!agree)!and!to!communicate!that!understanding!back!to!the!
speaker!so!that!he!or!she!can!confirm!the!accuracy!of!your!understanding.!
What&It’s&
Called&
How&To&Do&It&
Why&Do&It&
Examples&of&
Active&Listening&Responses&
Paraphrasing!
Restate!the!same!
informat io n ,!us in g!
different!words!to!
more!concisely!
reflect!what!the!
speaker!said.!
Tests!your!understanding!of!what!is!
heard!by!communicating!your!
understanding!of!what!the!speaker!
said.!
Allows!the!speaker!to!'hear'!and!focus!
on!his!or!her!own!thoughts.!!
Allows!the!speaker!to!see!that!you!are!
trying!to!understand!h is/he r!me ssag e !
and!perceptions.!Encourages!the!
speaker!to!continue!speaking.!
• What!I’m!hearing!is…”!
• “Sounds!like!you!are!saying…”!!
• “I’m!not!sure!I’m!with!you!but...!!
• If!I’m!hearin g !yo u !c o rre c tly ....!!
• So,!as!you!see!it...!!
• It!sounds !like !what’s!mo st !im p o r ta n t!to !
you!is!.!.!.!!
Clarifying!
Invite!the!s p ea k e r!to !
explain!some!aspect!
of!what!she!or!he!
said.!
Gives!the!speaker!the!opportunity!to!
elaborate!and!clarify!what!was!said.!!
Gives!you!the!opportunity!to!identify!
anything!that!is!unclear!and!to!check!
the!accuracy!of!your!understanding!
• I!am!not!s u re !I!q u ite !u n d e rst an d ;!o r !d o !
you!mean!that...?!!
• Can!you!say!more!about!.!.!.!?!
• You!have!given!me!a!lot!of!
informat io n ,!let!me!see!if!I’ve!got !it!
all…”!!
Reflecting!
Relaying!what!was!
said!back!to!the!
speaker!to!show!that!
you!understand!how!
eh/she!feels!about!
something.!
Deepens!understanding!of!feelings!
and!content.!!
Allows!the!speaker!to!see!that!you!are!
trying!to!understand!h is/he r!me ssag e!
and!perceptions.!!
• “I!get!the!sense!that!you!might!be!
feeling!afraid!abo u t!wh a t!m igh t!
happen!if!.!.!.!“!
• To!me,!it!sounds!like!you!are!frustrated!
about!what!was!said,!but!I!am!
wondering!if!you!are!also!feeling!a!
little!hurt!by!it .”!!
• It!seems!lik e !yo u !fe lt!c o n fu s e d !an d !
worried!when!that!happened.”!
• “So,!you’re!saying!that!you!were!
feeling!more!frigh ten ed !than !an gry.”!
Summarizing!!
Identify,!co n n e ct,!
and!integrate!key!
ideas!and !fe elin g s!in !
what!the!speaker!
said.!
Helps!both!listener!and!speaker!
identify!wh a t!is !m o s t!important!to !th e !
speaker.!
• Let!me!summarize!what!I!heard!so!far.!
.!.!.!
• So,!on!one!the!hand…!but!on!the!other!
hand!.!.!.!!
• I!think!I’ve!h ea rd !s e ve ra l!th in g s !th a t!
seem!to!be!important!to!you,!
first____,!second ,!seco n d_ __ __ ,!
third______.”!
• “It!sounds!like!there!are!two!things!
really!matter!mo st!to!yo u!.!.!.!“!
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Examples)of)Roadblocks)to)Good)Listening)
Fixing&
Evaluating&
Diverting&
Interruptin g &
Ordering!
Suggesting!
Advising!
Diagnosing!
Judging!
Threatening!
Praising!
Condemning!
Taking!sides!
Giving!opinions!
Reassuring!
Changing!the!subject!
Focusing!on!your!own!agenda!
Minimizing!
Interjecting !com m ents!
Not!allowing!speaker’s!own!pace!
Tuning!out!
Creating/responding!to!
distractions!
Cross\examining!
)
Tips)for)Active)Listening)
Don’ts&
• Dominate!the!conversation!
• Interrupt!
• Finish!the!speaker’s!sentences!
• Jump!to!con clu sio ns!
• Respond!with!blaming!or!accusatory!language!
• Become!argumentative!
• Demonstrate!impatience!or!multitask!
• Mentally!compose!your!responses!about!what!to!say!next!!
• Listen!with!biases!or!shut!out!new!ideas!!
)
A)Cheat=Sheet)for)“Feeling”)Words)
Concerned!
Desperate!
Confused!
Angry!
Frustrated!
Discouraged!
Annoyed!
Belittled!
Patronized!
Put\Down!
Understood!
Turned!off!
Pleased!
Uncomfortable!
Resentful!
Misunderstood!
On!the!spot!
Unimportant!
Resentful!
Misunderstood!
On!the!spot!
Unimportant!
Hopeless!
Encouraged!
Confident!
Envious!
Dissatisfied!
Worried!
Affectionate!
Resigned!
Tired!
Enthusiastic!
Puzzled!
Threatened!
Stymied!
Hurt!
Astonished!
Overwhelmed!
Surprised!
Scared!
Terrified!
Upset!
Uncertain!
Importan t !
Guilty!
Blamed!
Content!
Shamed!
Defensive!
Discounted!
Embarrassed!
Attacked!
Considered!
Intruded !u p o n !
Intimidate d !
Ignored!
Comforted!
Sad!
Anxious!
Disturbed!
Rejected!
In!a!bind!
Delighted!
Infuriated !
Ripped\off!
Betrayed!
Concerned!
Joyful!
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